Forgiveness

Forgiving yourself is life's greatest challenge.

Name:
Location: Daytona Beach, Florida, United States

Adopted, only child...need I say more? That has a whole set of sterotypes right there!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

MYERS-BRIGG ENTP

I am always interested to see what people write about my Myers-Brigg Personality Type. Keep in mind, I am actually split down the middle between an ENTP and an ENFP. I decided to highlight the ENTP.

ENTPs usually respond well to logic and reason, as well as people who are clear and precise. As with other types, they prefer people who are expert or competent in their field, so it's best if you know what you're talking about. ENTPs are likely to challenge your assumptions and engage in what can be quite a vigorous debate. They will often spend time analyzing your comments and integrating them into their existing knowledge. Any plan will likely come up for some serious critiquing if an ENTP is given the chance to review it. You can expect many questions from an ENTP as he or she tries to understand the issue at hand. Many enjoy working on complex problems and developing novel solutions. Most ENTPs respond best when given a lot of freedom to do their work.

Things to avoid when communicating with ENTPs include giving them specific details or directions on how to do a job. Likewise, they are unlikely to give such information to people who work for them. Avoid focusing on personal or emotional issues, particularly in the workplace. If you are looking for appreciation and validation from an ENTP, you might be waiting for a long time. Most ENTPs dislike discussing routine or mundane matters. There's no need to state the obvious to them. You'll want to avoid taking personally the criticism, questions, and challenges you're sure to receive from an ENTP. Avoid any plan or project that cannot be explained or justified with logic or reason.

FIRST BLOG

“Well, it’s no use your talking about waking him,” said Tweedledum, “when you’re only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you’re not real,”
“I am real!” said Alice, and began to cry.
“You won’t make yourself a bit realer by crying,” Tweedledee remarked; “there’s nothing to cry about.”
“If I wasn’t real,” Alice said – half laughing through her tears, it all seemed so ridiculous—“I shouldn’t be able to cry.”
“I hope you don’t think those are real tears?” Tweedledee interrupted in a tone of great contempt.

- Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland


"I am real. I insist that I am real. My feelings are real and valid." I say this to myself as some sort of bizarre mantra, but I don't believe it. I feel strangely detached. To those who think you know me, I can almost guarantee that you do not know me as well as you think you do. The fact that I have been keeping one gigantic secret from you for seven years is a testament to that fact. And sadly, at how well I act and lie. I lie so well that I can even convince my own mind of my lies.
I broke down at the beginning of February and told my dirty little secret. The secret that I have convinced myself wasn't a problem. The fact of the matter is, when you go to the bathroom to eradicate your body of every trace of food by means of purging, there is a problem. A BIG problem.
I'm sure even now as people read this, many are thinking, "Ewwww...! How can someone do that to themselves?" I wish I could answer that question. Maybe the answer to that question holds the key to my recovery. How can I eat something and then feel some sick satisfaction as I watch it come out of my mouth and into the toilet? How can I feel relief and balanced as I cough and sputter afterwards with my face feeling as though tiny little pin points are all over my now flushed cheeks. Sometimes I cry wanting so badly to throw something at the mirror when I have to face myself as I'm washing my face of all traces of my addiction. Goddamn those stupid bathroom mirrors that are right there by the sink. I hate facing myself.
What's real is that every single time I eat, my mind and soul are waging a war inside my body.