Secrets and Lies

Yes, bulimics are highly secretive people. I am a highly secretive person. An unwelcome invasion of privacy is one of the fastest ways to upset me. My husband continues to invade my privacy unwelcomed. It is starting to really grate on my nerves...and to be honest, I don't have many left. I am getting many sarcastic remarks about the things I keep hidden. Sometimes I just want one place that I know is safe. Once place I know that is all mine and will go untouched by anyone else. One place where only God can see. Is nothing sacred anymore???

Sadly, I have taken to hiding a few precious things in my office because it is the only place that goes undistrubed. My husband's admission to spying on me was just devestating. Now, I am not saying that there are secrets I have kept hidden and lies that I have told that are not in their own way destructive. But a big part of my illness is a struggle with control. If someone tries to take what precious little control I feel I have, I am just going to find another way to hide. I will get more inventive. I will perfect a new art of secrecy. Throwing it in my face is only going to succeed in making me more and more angry and resentful. More so than I am already.

If he would actually research my illness and try to understand it, he would learn these things, but alas, he lives in his own delusion and I remain in mine. I am still alone. I am still unheard. I continue to silently scream and scream.