One Last Thought

Yes, I know I said I was done... HAHAHAHA! Thinking never ceases. Anyway, it is about human psychology and judging other people. Let me preface this next rant with this. Yes, I judge other people. Everyone does. However, I do find more satisfaction over analyzing others and their behaviors than judging. So here is an observation.

I always find it amusing that when people say cruel and disparaging remarks about others, often in a lame attempt to build self-esteem, they do not EVER seem to correlate the behavior they are criticizing in others with their own behavior. It is entirely a "Thou dost protest too much" moment. For example, someone looks at another person and in shocked self-righteousness proclaims what an evil and horrible person X is for doing (fill in the blank). Unless you are talking about outright killing or brutally abusing someone, there is nothing under the sun that is truly worse than anything else.

When I was in church last week, there was a great illustration about "hands." It basically was a vignette about the evil and selfishness that all of our hands accomplish but there was one set of hands that paid the price for all other hands. In an attempt to make themselves feel better, often times people try to categorize and assign degrees of intensity to various sins. The fact of the matter is that none of us are truly "good" people. We all struggle with our own demons. For some it is addiction, others cheating, others laziness and so on... I have my own personal struggles. It has been in those struggles and wrestling with God and my humanity, that I have learned to recognize the humanity in others and how all of us are in a constant cosmic struggle. To claim that any of us are "better" or more "righteous" than others is plain ignorant...and to be quite honest a sin in and of itself.

We only have a small glimpse into other's lives. What might seem so obvious at first glance is quite different when one cares enough to dig a little deeper. Sometimes that person that is so easy to hate is the one that needs the most love.

So I challenge, the next time you look at someone and despise them, ask yourself why that is. Is it that they are actually "deserving" of your harshness, or are they bringing out an insecurity in you that you want to squash by placing yourself above that person on an intellectual, emotional, and/or spiritual level. And no matter what your answer is, challenge yourself to examine your own life before judging others. It isn't your place. It is between that person and God. No matter your faith, placing faith in the divine to rework your soul is the most healing and learning act a person can do. Make your life right with God and that will ultimately bring you in harmony with those around you.

Peace during this Christmas season.

Random Things

Lots and lots of thoughts swirling through my head. Some I can write about, others I cannot. There is a section of my life that even I can't write on paper...so I will write about everything else. What's on my mind? The following:

1) Continuing check-ups and health issues... Last Wednesday, I had a gastric emptying scan. That is a fancy name for eating a radioactive egg, lying completely still and flat for two hours while doctors take scans watching the egg move, or in my case, not move through my stomach into my small intestine. Then, they start injecting you with different drugs to see if your stomach responds to any of them. The only plus side of this experiment? I got to watch "The Wedding Crashers" in the middle of the work day. However, even with a funny movie in, the last 30 minutes of that whole ordeal was rather unbearable. The drugs they were giving me made my stomach cramp and feel like I was about to sh... You get the picture. I didn't feel right for about 3 days even though supposedly there isn't supposed to be any side effects. WHATEVER!

2) I am feeling very thankful for the random kindness of those who have entered my life during this whole ordeal. 4 out of the 5 doctors I have encountered have had some sort of connection to an eating disorder and have made me feel accepted and loved. The heart doctor that performed my echocardiogram used to be a laxative abuser. The doctor that performed my gastric emptying scan is married to a woman that suffered from bulimia and has many of the health fall-outs that I have had. And on and on... My greatest fear in going to a doctor was feeling judged. Instead, I have been overwhelmingly met with support. I am so incredibly grateful for that bit of a "God-thing" in my life.

3) A co-worker of mine performed a Rakei attunement ceremony over me in my office. While I certainly don't consider myself "New Age," I absolutely believe in the healing power of belief and that energy transfers from one positive spirit to another can have a physical, emotional and mental impact. "Laying of hands" is performed in various ways across most world religions and in spiritualist societies. There has to be something to it for so many people to believe in it.

4) Goals for next year... I have many goals for next year. I have to have goals. I am a goal driven individual. However, the little steps I would like to achieve next year are relatively simple. I will write about one of them... I would like to meet my birth mother (or 1st mother) at some point in 2007. The time is right. We've written off and on for about 7 years now. We have both expressed the desire. It just needs to happen this year. I need it for personal healing as well. I have denied that there is a void from not knowing where I physically come from for long enough. I am 26 years old now. My parents, while I love them dearly, are not going to be able to answer the questions nor fill in the little holes that come from being adopted.

Okay, that is enough of my random thinking. I am tired. I am supposed to be updating my resume right now. Oh well. So much for that. I think i needed to do some brain emptying before that could happen. I wish I could write about everything else on my mind, but alas, I have little trust that this forum of thought spewing is entirely confidential.

Lastly though, for all of you reading this that have made little differences in my life this past year, THANK YOU! It is not unnoticed and so very, very, very appreciated. I hope to someday return the favor.