Vomit
A conversation I recently had spurred me to really think about how many times I’ve thrown up since I started in with Bulimia. Additionally, my doctor pointed out in my last visit that the average person throws up maybe 2-3 times every 4 years from usually either the flu or from food poisoning.
In order to do that, I have to work backwards. This past January – March 2006, I’ve probably thrown up an average of once every two weeks or 6 times in 3 months. Last year, I would go up and down with major continuing episodes followed by periods of inactivity. Let’s just say an average of two times per week totaling around 104 times. August – December 2005, I was averaging 3 times per day. That’s 5 months with an average of 30 days/month. Vomiting total during that time was 450 times total. Prior to that, probably since I moved down to FL in Feb. 2004, let’s average it to 2-3 times per week for almost 2 years. You’re looking at around 200 times. In 3 years, I have thrown up around 650 times. The over 3 years prior to that, you’re probably looking at an average of once per week or about 160 times in those 3 years. Grand total times I’ve thrown up over 6 ½ years is probably somewhere around 920 times. 920 episodes of forcing myself to vomit. I really did not understand why my doctor kept saying how “lucky” I was not to have caused more damage to my body. In the context of me throwing up around 900 times in a little over 6 years vs. the average of maybe 4 times for the average person due to illness… Wow! Those numbers are quite scary.
It brings up another issue entirely of dear GOD how could no one have noticed how sick I was??? ONE person noticed. At least enough to say something. ONE! ONE! The dark, dark circles under my eyes and generally sick appearance was the tip-off. You would think that my husband might have cared enough to notice. You might have thought that my on-going sensitive stomach might have been a cause for concern. Nope. It was a relative stranger that saw and cared and was very instrumental to me in getting help. In fact, I will go as far to say that it saved my life. My body would not have lasted at the rate I was going prior to seeing a counselor in Feb. 2006 with averaging throwing up 3 times a day. Sometimes it was more. My heart could not have stood it. I have already put myself into a major danger zone. *sigh* But the important thing for me to keep in mind is that I HAVE made progress...lots of it. And that has to be what keeps me going.
In order to do that, I have to work backwards. This past January – March 2006, I’ve probably thrown up an average of once every two weeks or 6 times in 3 months. Last year, I would go up and down with major continuing episodes followed by periods of inactivity. Let’s just say an average of two times per week totaling around 104 times. August – December 2005, I was averaging 3 times per day. That’s 5 months with an average of 30 days/month. Vomiting total during that time was 450 times total. Prior to that, probably since I moved down to FL in Feb. 2004, let’s average it to 2-3 times per week for almost 2 years. You’re looking at around 200 times. In 3 years, I have thrown up around 650 times. The over 3 years prior to that, you’re probably looking at an average of once per week or about 160 times in those 3 years. Grand total times I’ve thrown up over 6 ½ years is probably somewhere around 920 times. 920 episodes of forcing myself to vomit. I really did not understand why my doctor kept saying how “lucky” I was not to have caused more damage to my body. In the context of me throwing up around 900 times in a little over 6 years vs. the average of maybe 4 times for the average person due to illness… Wow! Those numbers are quite scary.
It brings up another issue entirely of dear GOD how could no one have noticed how sick I was??? ONE person noticed. At least enough to say something. ONE! ONE! The dark, dark circles under my eyes and generally sick appearance was the tip-off. You would think that my husband might have cared enough to notice. You might have thought that my on-going sensitive stomach might have been a cause for concern. Nope. It was a relative stranger that saw and cared and was very instrumental to me in getting help. In fact, I will go as far to say that it saved my life. My body would not have lasted at the rate I was going prior to seeing a counselor in Feb. 2006 with averaging throwing up 3 times a day. Sometimes it was more. My heart could not have stood it. I have already put myself into a major danger zone. *sigh* But the important thing for me to keep in mind is that I HAVE made progress...lots of it. And that has to be what keeps me going.
posted by Self Therapy | 11:08 AM
1 Comments:
Bulemia is sometimes hard to notice for those closest because it is so insidious - meaning your decline is so gradual. And you are right, it can be fatal. I know of adult women who weigh in at 70 some pounds who start out with bulemia and then it leads to anerexia. I am so glad to hear that you sought counseling and are on the rebound! Congrats to you!! If I were there, I'd treat to a Dairy Queen!!! or a shamrock shake since its St. Patrick's Day! :)
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