Dwelling On Being Adopted
I am not entirely sure why my mind is dwelling on the fact that I am adopted. I have a special frustration because not only am I adopted, but my birth-mother is also adopted as well. Whereas some adopted children receive some closure and resolution, and at the very least history once they find their birth-mother, I get nothing beyond finally getting to connect with my birth-mother and the joy of discovering I have two half-siblings.
When I go to the doctor and people ask for a medical history, I get to smile and answer that I am adopted and I do not know any part of my medical history. They give a "look" back in frustration and move on down their chart. Some ask me if I have a medical record of my birth mother and again I get to smile and reply that she is adopted too. I can almost see in their eyes that they want to throw their hands up in frustration over the issue.
Some might read this and think that it isn't too unusual for a child to be adopted anymore and that our schools and doctors, etc... should have more understanding. This is a valid argument, however, many adoptions done nowadays are open adoptions. Some go as far to have the adopted parents in the room with the birth-mother as she is giving birth. Information is freely shared between adopted parents and birth-mothers throughout the child's upbringing fostering a healthy relationship to both sides.
My adoption was closed. My adopted parents didn't know anything beyond very, very basic information about my birth-mother. Everything was done through an agency and the state. Although my parents shared the fact that I was adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand, they struggled with the fact that when I was 19, I went on a search to find out what I could about my birth-parents. Seriously, like I was going to "leave them" in favor of a birth-mom that I had, up until that point, virtually no knowledge about. Our country's attitude towards adoption has fostered this fear on all sides concerning having a relationship with both the natural parents and the adopted parents. It is truly sad. I am both a product of nature and nurture. Neither side can claim total responsibility for "me."
I am blessed, however, to have a birth-mom that welcomes me contacting her for any reason and who wants to be as active in my life as I will let her.
When I go to the doctor and people ask for a medical history, I get to smile and answer that I am adopted and I do not know any part of my medical history. They give a "look" back in frustration and move on down their chart. Some ask me if I have a medical record of my birth mother and again I get to smile and reply that she is adopted too. I can almost see in their eyes that they want to throw their hands up in frustration over the issue.
Some might read this and think that it isn't too unusual for a child to be adopted anymore and that our schools and doctors, etc... should have more understanding. This is a valid argument, however, many adoptions done nowadays are open adoptions. Some go as far to have the adopted parents in the room with the birth-mother as she is giving birth. Information is freely shared between adopted parents and birth-mothers throughout the child's upbringing fostering a healthy relationship to both sides.
My adoption was closed. My adopted parents didn't know anything beyond very, very basic information about my birth-mother. Everything was done through an agency and the state. Although my parents shared the fact that I was adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand, they struggled with the fact that when I was 19, I went on a search to find out what I could about my birth-parents. Seriously, like I was going to "leave them" in favor of a birth-mom that I had, up until that point, virtually no knowledge about. Our country's attitude towards adoption has fostered this fear on all sides concerning having a relationship with both the natural parents and the adopted parents. It is truly sad. I am both a product of nature and nurture. Neither side can claim total responsibility for "me."
I am blessed, however, to have a birth-mom that welcomes me contacting her for any reason and who wants to be as active in my life as I will let her.
posted by Self Therapy | 1:23 PM
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