Procrastination and Perfectionism

I'm going to start out sounding like I'm in an AA meeting. "My name is ____ and I am a perfectionist." As a result of this, I also am a procrastinator in the worse sense. A friend recently pointed out all of the major life changes that I am avoiding, conversations I am running from and a general lack of urgency when it comes to taking care of myself emotionally and physically. It is true. I am avoiding. I am scared to take the next steps.

In an effort to understand this problem that I have, I did some research. I'm posting some of the more interesting paragraphs of information I read. Articles are in red, parts I feel that are really applicable to me are blue and bolded and my own thoughts are remarks are in black.

One article was found on Science Daily.

Prof. Gordon Flett and a team of Canadian researchers in a landmark study have developed a 45-item questionnaire to identify the three types of perfectionists: self-oriented perfectionists (expect perfection of themselves); other-oriented perfectionists (demand perfection from other people); and socially prescribed perfectionists (think others expect perfection from them). The Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale, as it is also known, was just published this week by Multi-Health Systems Inc., based in Toronto. It is the first published scale that focuses specifically on perfectionism from a multidimensional perspective.

"Perfectionism is the need to be or to appear perfect," says Flett. "Perfectionists are persistent, detailed and organized high achievers. Perfectionists vary in their behaviors: some strive to conceal their imperfections; others attempt to project an image of perfection. But all perfectionists have in common extremely high standards for themselves or for others."

Moreover, Flett, who is also Canada Research Chair in Personality and Health, adds that certain forms of perfectionism can be linked to a host of emotional, physical and relationship problems, including depression, eating disorders, marital discord and even suicide. "Perfectionism is not officially recognized as a psychiatric disorder. However extreme forms of perfectionism should be considered an illness similar to narcissism, obsessive compulsiveness, dependent-personality disorder and other personality disorders because of its links to distress and dysfunction."

He adds that perfectionists reveal themselves in three distinct ways: first, a "self-promotion" style, that involves attempts to impress others by bragging or displaying one's perfection (this type is easy to spot because they often irritate other people); second, by shunning situations in which they might display their imperfection (common even in young children); and third, a tendency to keep problems to oneself (including an inability to admit failure to others).

*Ten Top Signs Your a Perfectionist
Are you a perfectionist? Flett has devised a list of telltale signs:
1. You can't stop thinking about a mistake you made.
2. You are intensely competitive and can't stand doing worse than others.
3. You either want to do something "just right" or not at all.
4. You demand perfection from other people.
5. You won't ask for help if asking can be perceived as a flaw or weakness.
6. You will persist at a task long after other people have quit.
7. You are a fault-finder who must correct other people when they are wrong.
8. You are highly aware of other people's demands and expectations.
9. You are very self-conscious about making mistakes in front of other people.
10. *You noticed the error in the title of this list.

For me, the only statements that do not apply are 4 and 7. I am only a perfectionist and overly critical with myself. And the really interesting that was that I was VERY annoyed at this article at first for publishing with a grammatical error (note #10).

Another article really hit the nail on the head for me. In fact, I really didn't realize I thought this way until I read this and completely identified with what it said.

Perfectionism is a psychological orientation which, depending on the severity, may have biological and/or environmental causes. To an educated observer, a perfectionist orientation is usually evident by the preschool years, though it may not cause problems until the college years. The perfectionist orientation has two components: impossibly high standards, and the behaviors intended to help achieve the standards and avoid mistakes. The high standards interfere with performance, and perfectionist behavior becomes an obstacle instead of a means to achieving the goal.

Due to obsessive effort and high standards of performance combined with natural gifts, perfectionists may be athletic, musical, academic, or social achievers, but they may equally as often be underachievers. Perfectionists engage in dichotomous thinking, believing that there is only one right outcome and one way to achieve that outcome. Dichotomous thinking causes indecisiveness, since according to the individual's perception a decision, once made, will be either entirely right or entirely wrong. Due to their exacting precision, they take an excessive amount of time to perform tasks. Even small tasks become overwhelming, which leads to frustration, procrastination, and further anxiety caused by time constraints.

Perfectionists also pay selective attention to their own achievements, criticizing themselves for mistakes or failures, and downplaying their successes. Overwhelmed by anxiety about their future performance, they are unable to enjoy successes.

Perfectionist anxiety can cause headaches, digestive problems, muscle tension, and heart and vascular problems. Anxiety can also cause "blanking" or temporary memory losses before events such as musical performances or academic exams. Perfectionists also hesitate to try new activities for fear of being a beginner at an activity, even for a short period of time. Negative effects of perfectionism are felt especially when an individual is a perfectionist in all areas of life, rather than in one realm, such as an artistic or scientific pursuit, which might allow room for mistakes in other areas of life.

In extreme forms perfectionism may contribute to depression or be diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (which should be distinguished from the more serious obsessive compulsive disorder ). The more common syndromes of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa can be considered an extreme form of perfectionism directed towards the body and its appearance. The irrational distortions of perception that can arise from abnormally high standards of "performance" (i.e., thinness) are evident in the anorexic's perception of her or himself as fat.

Perfectionist behavior functions essentially to control events. Conditions that place the child in a position of vulnerability and/or that require the child to take extra responsibility for events can contribute to perfectionism. First-born children, children with excessively critical parents, and children who have lost a parent or sibling all may be predisposed towards perfectionism. It is estimated that 15% of gifted children will struggle with perfectionism at some point in their lives. Although it may not be immediately evident, often there is a sense of vulnerability, inferiority, shame, or guilt behind perfectionist efforts. The perfectionist's continual high achievements and/or control over events do not lead to satisfaction because there is always something to criticize or worry about, or another goal to achieve.

The last article I read is from the University of Texas at Austin. Highlights include:

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish motivation for healthy achievement from unhealthy perfectionism, and sometimes we make the distinction even harder by holding on to myths about perfectionism. This makes life a good deal more difficult than need be. Below are common myths about perfectionism.

MYTH: I wouldn't be the success I am today if I weren't such a perfectionist.
REALITY: Perfectionism does not lead to success and fulfillment.

Although some perfectionists are remarkably successful, what they fail to realize is that their success has been achieved despite-not because of-their compulsive striving.

There is no evidence that perfectionists are more successful than their non-perfectionistic counterparts. There is evidence that given similar levels of talent, skill or intellect, perfectionists perform less successfully than non-perfectionists.

MYTH: Perfectionists get things done and they do things right.
REALITY: Perfectionists often have problems with procrastination, missed deadlines, and low productivity.

Psychologists find that perfectionists tend to be "all-or-nothing" thinkers. They see events and experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect, with nothing in between. Such thinking often leads to procrastination, because a requirement of flawless perfection, in even the smallest of tasks, can become fearfully overwhelming. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can't be done perfectly, it's not worth doing.

Such beliefs often lead to undesired results. A perfectionist student may turn in a paper weeks late (or not at all), rather than turn it in on time with less-than-perfect sentences. A perfectionist worker may spend so much time agonizing over some non-critical detail that a critical project misses its deadline.

MYTH: Perfectionists just have this enormous desire to please others and to be the very best they can.
REALITY: Perfectionistic tendencies often begin as an attempt to win love, acceptance, and approval.

Perfectionists are driven by low self-esteem, so their own needs ultimately blind them to the needs and wishes of others. Indeed, their compulsiveness may lead others to beg for a change that the perfectionist cannot or will not make. Perfectionism is more likely to complicate than enhance one's relationships.

And lastly, a parable that was used to illustrate the problem with perfectionism.

One of the characteristics of perfectionists is their "value rigidity." They refuse to let go of particular ideas, even in the face of obvious evidence to the contrary. Here is a fable illustrating the pitfalls of value rigidity, adapted from Robert Pirsig's well-known work, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

The "South Indian Monkey Trap" was developed by villagers to catch the ever-present and numerous small monkeys in that part of the world. It involves a hollowed-out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be seen through a small hole. The hole is just big enough so that the monkey can put his hand in, but too small for his fist to come out after he has grabbed the rice.

Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him, his own desire for the rice. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and by doing so retain his freedom. So the trap works and the villagers capture him.

Perfectionists need to rethink their own values and decide whether they are going to continue to be trapped by these values or free themselves.

So what does all of this have to do with me? EVERYTHING! I am realizing more and more that I tend to see everything in black and white. This stems from perfectionism, but probably also from religious orientation that mistakes are eternally punishable. As I read these articles, I can see all of the ways the perfectionist tendencies have manifested themselves in every single area of my life from college to work, family relationships, marriage, friendships, etc... Everything is right or wrong. I live in a self-created world of absolutes the define my entire life. Breaking out and letting go of any absolute belief I have held is VERY, VERY difficult for me.

This then leads to my problem with bulimia. It is not only a perfectionist body image issue but also an action by which I punish myself for infractions that go into all of the gray areas or even when I do something I would categorize as "black." A sin. A moral wrongness. Mentally I do not allow myself to be human. I will go through periods of rebellion against my beliefs. A sort of self-sabotage. To use the monkey trap parable, I am still the monkey holding onto the rice but I'm forcing my hand out with the rice no matter how much I disfigure my hand. Does that makes sense?

Mind you, I'm still not at the point of going into the gray areas, accepting that I am a human and making enormous amounts of change, but I am recognizing my "problems" more and more. What will it take to let go of the rice? I'm not quite sure yet. It is a very difficult move to make without a support system. Any change is scary. Changing on my own is even more terrifying. Eventually though, I will get tired of holding onto the rice. It's exhausting and imprisoning.