Parents
Well, I did something I shouldn't have. It started out innocently enough. My parents are on vacation and my husband and I are taking care of their house. I got on my mom's America Online account to look up an email address and saw an email from that person. I opened it to get the address and saw that said friend had replied to something my mom had sent to her about me and "problem" and my marriage. So, of course, I went to the sent mail to see what my mom had written. That was a mistake. It sent me into a depression.
The basic gist was that she hasn't spent much time with me and she spends more time with her neighbor Amy than me. And that it is hard for her and my dad to watch my marriage deteriorate but they don't want to get involved. Also, because of my depression (yes, she won't actually call it an eating disorder) and the marital problems, they are having a hard time adjusting to the move and are thankful that they get to go out of town frequently so they don't feel as down.
So, in my twisted little mind, I felt like I had ruined everyone's life at the moment. My parents were expecting to move to FL to be with me and my husband in their retirement and instead are trying to distract themselves away from us. They still won't call my problem what it is. My mom at least seems to deal better with the me having "depression" rather than the fact I make myself throw-up. Of course my marriage is crumbling as well. And because I opened up my mouth to a particular someone several months ago, I started a chain of events in this person's life that have led to a lot of heartache. So, in short, I almost feel like my ruined life is better than six people's lives being in turmoil. 1 to 6.
I'm sure as anyone is reading this they think my thought process is really whacked. Of course it is. I wouldn't have a problem if I thought normally. Intellectually I know that I am not ruining other people's lives and such, but I feel it. For someone that is constantly thinking about what I can do for other people and that I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, the fact that I am affecting others is really bothersome. I feel selfish.
The basic gist was that she hasn't spent much time with me and she spends more time with her neighbor Amy than me. And that it is hard for her and my dad to watch my marriage deteriorate but they don't want to get involved. Also, because of my depression (yes, she won't actually call it an eating disorder) and the marital problems, they are having a hard time adjusting to the move and are thankful that they get to go out of town frequently so they don't feel as down.
So, in my twisted little mind, I felt like I had ruined everyone's life at the moment. My parents were expecting to move to FL to be with me and my husband in their retirement and instead are trying to distract themselves away from us. They still won't call my problem what it is. My mom at least seems to deal better with the me having "depression" rather than the fact I make myself throw-up. Of course my marriage is crumbling as well. And because I opened up my mouth to a particular someone several months ago, I started a chain of events in this person's life that have led to a lot of heartache. So, in short, I almost feel like my ruined life is better than six people's lives being in turmoil. 1 to 6.
I'm sure as anyone is reading this they think my thought process is really whacked. Of course it is. I wouldn't have a problem if I thought normally. Intellectually I know that I am not ruining other people's lives and such, but I feel it. For someone that is constantly thinking about what I can do for other people and that I don't want to burden anyone with my problems, the fact that I am affecting others is really bothersome. I feel selfish.
posted by Self Therapy | 11:37 AM
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