In A Rut...

Hmmm…I haven’t posted in a almost a week. I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut, in all parts of my life. I’m in a rut at work just waiting for decisions to be made at a higher level that will perhaps directly affect me at a lower level. Of course that is always the case isn’t it?

I’m in a rut in my counseling and in my personal life. Both father and daughter of the counseling duo think most of my eating disorder stems from my relationship with my husband. We’ve been together since I was 16. Growing up together, we developed some good habits but also some very destructive habits as well. I have basically been “kicked out” of my sessions until I am able to “confront”/communicate some of my feelings to my husband. Of course so many things are welling up in me that I want to come out, but they have yet to do so. We’re getting along so well, I just don’t have the heart. And selfishly, I’m just not ready to be the “bad guy” yet.

And now, after reading the previous paragraph, I realize how ridiculous I sound sometime. Why is everything my fault? Why can’t my brain process that other people have hurt me and I am not to blame for their stupidity? It’s like there is a short circuit somewhere. What frustration!

I’m in such a rut, I can’t even think what to type. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go off on a social subject and leave me out of it. After all, it’s not all about me. Sometimes I feel like such a whiner! I also have three drafts saved. Maybe I'll finish my thoughts on one of those.

Until then...